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All Hallows Eve 2014!

Oct. 31st, 2014 | 09:08 pm



I am Tomoe Gozen. She is from the late twelfth century, this "Onno Bugeisha" meaning "female samurai warrior."

I won third place in our costume party at work!

left to right: Me as Tomoe Gozen (Third Place), Lauren as Day of the Dead skeleton (2nd Place), Claudia as Mummy (First Place)





My co workers and I:



Navy Blue nailpolish, Plaster mask, acrylic, kimono, samurai sword, bow and arrows, Ivan cooking me a halloween breakfast this morning before I head to work, Face paint, anime night, horror film music, fashion inspired!

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........saturday solitude

Sep. 20th, 2014 | 03:03 pm
location: Koreatown, Los Angeles
mood: quiet
music: Karen O- Body

While my boyfriend, Ivan is at work....

I am sitting here listening to Karen O's new album "crush songs"
She was playing a free show at Amoeba LA this past week. I wish
I could've gone, but had other errands to do after work, so I wasn't
able to check it out.

Anyways, I've been thinking a lot and have been contemplating on
my next projects I want to start executing.

Things have been feeling like they are getting easier and more familiar.
Settling in Los Angeles is taking some time for me to get used to especially
with the crazy energy that surrounds this huge city.

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Los Angeles landscape.

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Our studio in koreatown.

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My wall space at home.

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Our kitty.

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Sinking into Los Angeles.

Jul. 30th, 2014 | 09:46 pm
location: Koreatown, Los Angeles
mood: anxiousanxious
music: Coco Rosie- Not for Sale

It's been a while since I've written here.

Since my mother's death, I've been avoiding anything really deep, and
trying to keep myself with distracted with light-hearted stuff lately.

I must say that being around Ivan and my family, during these past few months, have been making me so happy.
Although, I am missing some of my good friends since moving to Los Angeles.
I know it'll take time, especially moving to a new city.



Justine's wedding festivities was so much fun and just what I've been needed these past few months.

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I haven't really touched my paint brushes or art supplies in a few weeks.

I've been distracting myself with mindless social media and organizing.

My anxiety have been heightened by our neighborhood here in Los Angeles.

Been so caught up with the process of dealing with my mother's death.
It was the first birthday, I wasn't able to hear my mom's voice. Every year she would wish me
"happy birthday." This year I didn't get it from her.
I still haven't had a peaceful dream of her.
When I think of her I think of our memories together and how she looked in the coffin.

I don't think anyone can understand me when I say that I'm frustrated because I want to work
on art but right now, I feel that my emotions are needing some coping solutions.
I'm going to force myself right now to draw something, anything.

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Maybe listening to Coco Rosie right now will soothe me.

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Alot of art have been inspiring me. I want to start reading a good deep book again.
I shall start with a few books I've been wanting to dabble my mind in.

These are the art I've been researching:

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Exploring Los Angeles-

The Getty Center Museum (most beautiful museum in LA)
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Checked out James Enser (AMAZING) and photography of Minor White




Restaurants in Los Angeles -

Kobawoo (koreatown)



My birthday dinner date with boyfriend, Ivan at La Poubelle (on Franklin near Los Feliz)

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Birthday Cake, that my manager had gotten for me and my coworker (July bdays) at my job at Freestyle Photo.



Organic Artisan Ice cream at Neuvex Artisan Creamery on Melrose Ave.

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Bajo has been such a darling :)
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RIP mommy April 23, 2014....

May. 10th, 2014 | 02:55 pm
mood: sadsad
music: Kahit Isang Saglit (piano version)

photo


Mommy,

I'm glad I had you in my life for as long as I could.
I'm going to miss you so much. You don't know how much of an influence you were in my life, even if you were battling your sickness for a long time.
I wish we had you longer, and you were alive still right now.
You are with me in spirit always and I'll never forget you and all the sacrifices you made for us.
I'm grateful you brought us into the world.
I will live a good life .

I'm sorry you had to go so soon.
I was thinking you had never got to experience us having children yet or even getting married.
Although, I know you will be watching us all from heaven, and seeing how much
we're growing through out the years.
We'll definitely be reunited with you in heaven someday.

I love you mommy.

dadandmom
dad and mom when i was almost 1 years old....simply 11 months old.


momandtitalina
tita lina and my mom when i was 1 month old.....

I'll remember all the good memories with you....you'll always be in my heart mommy.

Love your firstborn,
Rachel


P.S. I'll miss your piano playing most of all <3 <3 <3

momanddadrecent

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I am so deeply devastated and sad.

Apr. 23rd, 2014 | 11:00 pm
mood: sadsad
music: The notebook theme piano

Just this recent weekend, I rushed back to San Diego because my mom was rushed to the hospital sunday morning 3am on easter  morning.

She fell unconscious into a coma. She collapsed on saturday afternoon and hit her head on the kitchen tile. Justine and Eileen found her and brought her to the couch. Justine did a check on her but they kept on telling my mother that she should go to the hospital right away.
I think she knew it was bad, and maybe she would rather have just passed away peacefully at the comfort of her own home.

I'm so sad. I really can't believe this is all really happening. It doesn't feel real. Why so soon?

I spent some time at the hospital from sunday till yesterday and took some days off work to spend some time with my mom before she passes away.

Today I went back to work in Los Angeles.

It feels all surreal, that this is really happening.

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.......still so new

Apr. 19th, 2014 | 10:39 pm
mood: Calm
music: Denise LaSalle- Trapped in a thing called love

Exploring the new city.....

Went to watch the new Jim Jarmusch's "Only Lovers Left Alive," with Ivan at the Landmark Theatres nearby.



It reminded me of the beauty of music in my life. I loved all the instruments in there! I especially, want to now name my silvertone electric guitar.

It reminded me of wanting a library of books to read.

It reminds me of traveling.

It made me think of love, my relationship with Ivan.

Today.

Checked out the knit graffiti group while Ivan was at work. When I arrived, I couldn't see myself staying or joining.
It wasn't the kind of scene I was looking for.

I was looking for more artsy knit crafty type people. I didn't get the vibe that I could relate to these older women.

Went to watch this film screening for an anime from Japan at the downtown independent theatres near Little Tokyo LA.


It was called, "Short Peace" by Katsuhiro Otomo. There was 4 short animations compiled within the film. My favorite story was about "Gambo, the white bear god." It was rad, almost the same feel like Princess Mononoke.

.....I was a lil grumpy today, because of my period hormones......I made Ivan a bit stressed out...I apologized.

I added some texture to my painting......

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.........unlearning art school

Been spending time drawing and knitting days that I work.....

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Grateful for:

1. Full time work in Los Angeles.
2. Time for art making.
3. Roof over my head.
4. Blessed with food to eat.
5. Relationship with Ivan, opportunity to grow.

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Settling in....

Mar. 18th, 2014 | 09:48 pm
location: Koreatown, Los Angeles
mood: Quiet
music: Sou- Janta

Just got back from spending some time in Pleasanton, Ca near the bay area with Ivan's family.
It was quite lovely, very zen-like, artful, simple, quiet, and relaxing. I had a great time.

They have a beautiful japanese garden in their backyard, bronze sculptures that were carefully placed well around the house and
backyard, a simple library, and no clutter in their home. It was very clean, which is very opposite from my parents. It was also a single-story
home and very few furniture.

I would like a home like that someday.

I've also been reflecting on the photography lab I've started in Glendale. And I've realized, it isn't the right place for me right now.
With full time work and the energy here in Los Angeles, I am tired and want to unwind after work. I was hoping to be able to take
a lab for my own projects, but I am not interested in doing the same beginning assignments. This is why I am deciding to drop the
class. I just don't have the energy these days to be driving anymore. Plus I want to start looking for a ballet class to start.I am looking
forward to starting my own dark room in our place at home soon.

Also I've been inspired by the many keepsakes of Frida, found a few images on the web:

interior-kahlo28769427


It reminds me of the Francesca Woodman book box I made.
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Also, a really sweet synchronistic moment happened, when Ivan's uncle Jeff lend me his Canon FT manual.
I was so thrilled and surprised inside. I wasn't expecting it for sure. But I am so grateful for that gift from him.
It still feels like a lovely dream.

Anyways, being back in Los Angeles does feel good but also I realize, later on in life, I would really like to
work towards having a simple, artful, relaxing home as I get older, a stable life.

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"I could hear my heart beating....."

Jan. 26th, 2014 | 07:54 pm
location: Koreatown, Los Angeles
mood: relaxedrelaxed
music: Elliot Smith- Between the Bars

Art is listening to that sound of your heart beating, it's peaceful all around.
The most important things are the hardest things to say.

It's been awhile since I've been writing. The past few months have been so busy.
The holidays were lovely and it was good to be around my family and Ivan. It's been
almost two weeks since I've stopped having to commute back and forth to San
Diego. I was trying to find another server job at a better Japanese Sushi Restaurant
here in Los Angeles. But somehow life shifted me somewhere different, back to my
soul work which is Photography.

And now I am working full time at Freestyle Photographic Supplies! I am really so grateful!
It feels unbelievable and surreal when I walk into work....thinking to myself. Wow! This is
what brought me to Photography. The process of working with the materials and seeing the
outcome of it all onto paper!

Here's a few of some more photographers I admire: (gonna research their technique
and process)

Eikoh Hosoe
scenery-with-ocean-1940
Kansuke Yamamoto

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Kansuke Yamamoto

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Kansuke Yamamoto

h2_1987.1100.141Maurice Tabard

francesca-woodman
Francesca Woodman
6a00df351e888f88340147e2830437970b-800wi
Francesca Woodman

I've been studying and familiarizing myself with Photography again. And I've applied to take
a darkroom lab night class at a community college so I can start working on my photographic
process again. I love drawing and painting but also my heart yearns to start being in the
darkroom again. I miss it surely! I think Ivan and I will be building a darkroom in our place at
some point in the future :)

Now my life in LA has started grandly! I am happy about this.

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Revealing my fears...

Nov. 21st, 2013 | 02:04 am
mood: awake
music: Coco Rosie- By Your Side

This was another breakthrough. I revealed yet another fear about moving in with my boyfriend to him on this night. And it brought it to the light, that it was just a fear.

Honestly, really thinking about it. It is always the courage-able road to face my fears so that I can see that it isn't really something to avoid. It's an opportunity to grow and also make compromises with someone you love. This is why anyone would move in with their
significant other. This definitely opened my eyes again to my soul's attention to expand together with Ivan.

It reminds me of those first moments of getting to know him stages, that I was super scared of being hurt by him. But I still took the risk of deciding to take it slow with him and getting to know him. I would have never guessed we'd be with each other like we are right now. I am happy.

Finally, the time has arrived. We had just celebrated our 1 year anniversary of being boyfriend-girlriend.

Now the time has come. We will be starting a new chapter in our journey in getting to know each other more. We are going to be living with each other soon.

After two years of getting to know each other slowly....


This is a little sneak peak at our lil studio apartment in koreatown. It's cute! I'm looking forward to growing along side to side soul-wise with Ivan.

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To Koreatown......

Nov. 17th, 2013 | 12:43 pm
mood: creative
music: Coco Rosie in Den Bouffes du Nord LIVE

blood

Packing up my things and moving together with my boyfriend. It's bring about deep reflection lately. Listening to Coco Rosie a lot this weekend.


I always feel this deep, quiet side of me, when I'm in my zone listening to Coco Rosie. It takes me back to the solitude times of SFAI. I literally took myself out of the social commentary in art school. I was literally in my own world. It's interesting to me, that I felt the need to do that, at that period of my life.

moving

With this energy of cleaning out the walls of my room in San Diego, it has freed up some of my overwhelming feelings of my family's situation. It really has taken a lot out of me. I have no control over what the fates are of my mother and my sister.

I'm finally deciding to do something for me, that it's time to take the next step in my relationship with my boyfriend. I feel peaceful about the decision to move to Koreatown with my boyfriend. It'll definitely be a challenge I'm sure at times, but I'm looking forward to finding a compromise and balance in sharing the same space with Ivan.

Caravaggio seems ready.
c4
She has grown so much in the last few months!!! Sometimes I can't even believe it, it's amazing.

Aww she used to look like this: c3 c1c2

This reflection period makes me think of these artists that I love:

Eikoh Hosoe (Japanese photographer)
EikohHosoe-02eikoh-hosoe-1eikoh-hosoe-2eikoh_hosoe_current2008_eikoh-hosoe_theredlist

Theodore Blanc and Antoine Demilly (French photographers) 1920s
Theodore_Blanc_et_Antoine_Demilly_Demilly_vu_par_lui_me_me_ca._1920

Jake Berthot (American self taught painter)
jakeberthot-web
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Tina Midotti's photograph of Frida Kahlo
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